Backyard Critter

There is a rabbit named Melvin that lives in my backyard. He stays around the back of my house and eats the grass and dandelions. I only see him occasionally, but I was able to take a picture of him today. He has gotten much bigger over the past few weeks. He was a very small baby bunny the first time I saw him a month ago. He usually comes out between 8:00 and 9:00 each day.

His mother, Tango, lives farther away in my backyard, down by my garden. She is getting bigger too. Last year, she would hang out in my garden, but never ate or chewed on any of the plants, so I didn't exterminate her. One time last year, early in the morning, I walked down to water my vegetables, and I saw Tango stretched out, reclining underneath my tomato plants, lying on her back with her feet up in the air, the way a dog or cat would lounge around the house.

She was about ten to fifteen feet away from me, and wouldn't move. At first I thought that she might be dead, but I could see her breathing and her eyes were fixed on me. I could tell that I had startled her and that she had probably been sleeping when I walked up. She just laid there watching me, obviously waiting for me to turn my back so she could run away. Finally, I shot her in the arse with a quick burst from my water hose and she took off leaping into the woods.

I haven't been able to get a picture of Tango, yet. I know there is a mole that lives in my backyard too, but I haven't been able to see it in action. There are also whitetail deer that visit because I have seen their fresh tracks trailing through my garden too. Lucky for them, it's not hunting season yet.

Killer Bees!

As I was mowing my grass on Friday, I saw a large, dark object up in one of my trees. I have this stray cat that roams my yard, which I will refer to as, "Stinky."
I thought that Stinky was sitting up in the tree, but as I got closer, I saw that the object was hanging below the branch, and really didn't resemble Stinky anymore.

I then realized that it was a beehive covered with bees! It was creepy and crawly and there must have been thousands of bees rustling about! At first I thought, "Great, now I am going to have to pay someone to come out and get rid of this thing."

Then I changed my mind and thought about taking care of it myself with a can of wasp and hornet killer, which I have used effectively on smaller wasp and hornet nests in the past (no bigger than the size of a small apple, though). The main problem with this idea was that there really was no where for me to run to get away once the deed was done. I felt much like Kevin Spacey as the cripple guy, Verbal Kent, from The Usual Suspects, when the detective, Agent Kujon asks him why he didn't shoot Keyser Söze and help his partner Keaton when he had the chance. Verbal replies as he holds up his cripple, lame hand with emphasis on his twisted trigger finger, "It was Keyser Soze, Agent Kujan. I mean the Devil himself. How do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if I miss?"

What if I miss? More like, "What if I hit it?" It was also a truly bad idea. Besides, I really didn't think that one can of spray would be enough. I also threw around the notion of getting my neighbor's 15 year old kid, T.J. (who will do anything for a buck) to get it down, but then I thought that I might possibly feel guilty if he got attacked by these killer bees.

I really couldn't even tell if they were bees or hornets or what, so I called my dad who swore that they had to be hornets. I busted out my digital camera and took a few photos from as close as I could get while my dear old father hopped in his truck to come over and identify the species. I got a few decent pictures, but the hive was about ten feet off the ground, and I was debating on whether or not to get a ladder so I could get some better, clearer pictures from close up, but I decided against that too (I'm such a wuss).

When my dad showed up, he agreed with me that it looked like bees, and said that he had never in his life seen such a thing. T.J.'s dad came over (with beer in hand) and said, "There isn't a nest under there, that's all bees!" I thought to myself there was no way that lump could be all bees. They must be covering some sort of hive or nest. He predicted that they would probably move on to somewhere else by the next day, but I doubted it.

All I could think was I did not want to have to deal with this mess. My wife said that one of the foremen at her job raised honey bees, and that she could ask him for advice on what to do when she got back to work on Monday. My dad just shook his head and chuckled. He then looked at me and said, "This could only happen to you." Gee, thanks, Dad.

I decided to forget about them until Monday, because there was nothing I could really do about it anyway, and they weren't bothering me or anyone else. Just buzzing around, doing what bees do, I guess. I got up this morning at 5:00 a.m. to get ready to meet my dad so we could go to the flea market in Springfield. Afterwards we went to the gun show up in Columbia, and I got back home around 1:30 p.m. I went to check the bees, and they were totally gone! No nest, no bees. Nothing. As if they had never even been there. T.J.'s dad was right! They just left.

This incident was just crazy. I am so glad I decided to take pictures of it. I just wish I knew where the bees went, and if they will be back. I wonder if they were killer bees, or just regular honey bees? Who knows? They all freak me out about the same.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

a Couple of Favorites from the 70's

I have to start out with this one. These guys are a train wreck in this video, but I don't care. They still make me laugh. I dont like them just because Shel Silverstien wrote some songs with them, and he wrote all those great funny poetry books like Where the Sidewalk Ends, Falling Up, and A Light in the Attic. And I don't just like them because the lead singer is wearing an eyepatch... No, the main reason I love these guys is because my dad had their greatest hits tape when I was a kid, and it was playing in the car the first time he took me fishing with him. It brings back some great memories every time I hear those songs. This is my favorite song from Dr. Hook.



There are a bunch of songs from The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band that I really like too. The Battle of New Orleans, Fishing in the Dark, Mr. Bojangles, and Will the Circle be Unbroken. There are so many to choose from. I can't find their version of The Battle of New Orleans, so I picked a song that I had never heard of before, just because I like the way they look in it. Washington in Valley Forge:




This one is pretty good too. Marshall Tucker Band. Its so sweet because of the flute player.



Cat Stevens had a ton of great songs. I was trying to choose between this one and Morning Has Broken, but I picked this one to put on here. This dude can sing. He has a very distinct voice like Neil Diamond does (no Neil will be posted here). This song sounds just like The Flaming Lips song called "Flight Test." I love the Lips too!!!



The Band... Sweet happy memories to my ears.

I'm the Best Around, Nothing's Ever Gonna Bring Me Down!!!

No, I am not homeless (yet!). I was working on my truck all day yesterday. Boy, it was cold too.. in the 30's all day. It turns out that the inertia switch was okay after I tested it several times.

My truck has dual fuel tanks, and I believe that the problem is in the 6 port fuel selector valve, which is mounted under the truck bed, behind the driver's side of the cab. The switch, when activated, switches the fuel input from the two tanks and the return valves, as well as alternates the fuel sending units which tell your gas gauge how much fuel is in the tank. I tested the wires going to it, and they had power, but the two electric fuel pumps in either tank wouldn't work when I tried them.

So, I spent the entire day pulling the full front gas tank out of the front of my truck. It was so heavy, and I couldn't figure out a way to siphon the gas out of the tank without sucking it through a tube to make a vacuum, so I just left it full. I used a jack, some jack stands, and some spare lumber to shore it up and work it out from underneath the truck. When I finally got done removing it, I pulled the fuel pump loose and hooked it to a battery, and it worked fine. I re-installed the fuel pump, and disconnected the 6 port fuel selector valve. After this, I assume that the rear pump works as well, but I am not pulling it out to test it.

The fuel selector valve had four rivets preventing me from opening it. Luckily, Mr. Dremel tool did the trick. It always fun to make sparks when you're covered with gasoline... not to mention the gas fumes and smell of burning metal and plastic in the air. When I finally got it open, I was able to figure the device out. There is a small 12 volt motor inside that spins one way to actuate the set of top valves, and then it reverses and actuates the bottom set of valves. As the valve moves up and down, it makes different connections to operate the two fuel pumps and two fuel sending units located in the gas tanks.

It looked like the copper connections inside the valve housing were worn and corroded, and I couldn't get the valve to operate when I hooked the terminal connectors to a car battery. The motor inside worked fine when I connected it's wires only, though. So then I polished the terminals with some sandpaper and WD-40 and put it back together. I was then able to get it to work intermittently , but it didn't work very well... the valve kept sticking, and I think this is what's been causing my problems (since both fuel pumps weren't getting any juice or tank signal).

So I ordered a new one online. It should be here next week and I will install it, along with the EMPTY gas tank!!!! I'll just get my dear old dad to help me pour the gas from it into a bucket and then funnel it back into my other gas tank. I am so proud that I figured out what was wrong. I just hope that I can get it back together without blowing myself up. Every time I work on something and I start doubting myself... I just think of this and then I know I can do it:

The Boy Who Peed His Pants

I remember being in elementary school, in the 2nd grade, and one day I was playing in the sandbox with my friend named Andrew. We had both brought Hot Wheels cars to school that day, and were making roads, ramps, and tunnels for the cars. Near the end of recess, I noticed that my friend was down on his knees, sitting on his feet behind him (sort of kneeling down). He had created this large sand hill from the ground in front of his knees, back towards him and up to almost his waist. He just sat there moving his Hot Wheels car up and down the crotch-hill he had made.

The bell rang and I grabbed up my car and was waiting for Andrew to come with me. He kept playing with his car, moving it slowly over the hill he had created. I said, "Andrew, the bell rang, let's go." He didn't budge. I took off for the door to the school and made my way back to my desk. Andrew was the last kid to come back in.

It was obvious what had happened as he came through the door. Andrew had peed his pants during recess and tried to cover it up with the sand from the sandbox. There was a giant wet, sandy, muddy stain that covered a good 12 inch diameter on the front of his pants. Oh, it was funny, and all the kids were laughing at him. Andrew stuck his hands in his pockets and headed for his desk to sit down.

As he walked to his desk, I saw that the uri-sand-mud stain covered the entire seat of his pants and was about the same size as the stain on the front. Andrew must have had a Big Gulp from 7-11 for breakfast that day. As he took his seat, his head was hung low in shame, and his face red and sad. His hands were still in his pockets and the teacher didn't even notice what had happened.

He spent the rest of the day with dirty pants. During lunch recess, we played cars again, and I never even mentioned anything to him about it. We acted as if it never happened, but it was still so obvious that it had. Although his pants had dried, the stain turned from sandy mud, to a large, crusty dust spot, still the same size as before.

I feel so bad when I think about it now. Poor Andrew.

Optical Illusion and Really Important Information

This is pretty trippy. I just stare at it for hours each day while I rock back and forth in my chair.

Click Here For An Important Message

Great Moments of My Childhood

Many of these were obscure shows I only saw one time, but had some sort of impact on me (good or bad). Most were made for TV movies, and I only saw them once or twice. There are quite a few that I couldn’t remember the names of, and had a tough time finding the titles online. I tried to break them down into categories, but some titles could easily fit into more than one. I wanted to list these somewhere so I wouldn’t forget them. This is pretty long... There are a few clips and photos, but not for all of them. You can find this stuff now pretty easily.

Scary TV Movies from the 70’s :

Bad Ronald (featuring Scott Jacoby)
Weird Ronald accidentally kills a little girl in the beginning. His mom hides him in the walls of there house so the police don’t take him. Then mom dies and Ronald continues living in the walls, spying on the new family that moves in. Creepy indeed.


The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (also featuring Scott Jacoby)
This starred little Jody Foster. She and here dad move into a nice home. He dies (or she killed him or something) and she is storing his body in the basement and living as though he is still alive. A few people in town become suspicious of her and her missing father. She befriends Scott Jacoby (a cripple kid with a cane who likes magic), and he later disguises himself as her father to help fend of Martin Sheen (the bad guy). Very weird movie.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
I don’t remember who was in this, but it was about a family that moves into an old house, and there are these little tiny people/creatures that come out when the lights are off and terrorize the family.

Trilogy of Terror
A “Twilight Zone” type movie with 3 strange stories. I think they all had the chick starring in each story, playing the main character. The story I remember is the last one where this voodoo spirit doll comes to life and chases here around the house with a little spear.

Gargoyles
I don’t remember the story line of this movie. I just remember that the Gargoyles were scary and they freaked me out.


Not Really Scary, Just Intriguing:

Child of Glass
Wonderful World of Disney… This Family moves into an old house. The kid(s) are visited by the ghost of a little girl who lived there before. I don’t remember much of this one, and was lucky to find the title after a lengthy search. The boy later falls into an old well and finds the ghost’s china doll. It later breaks open and there’s a fortune in diamonds inside. It was one of my favorite W. W. of D. movies at the time. Witch Mountains and Apple Dumpling Gang were also favorites. I wish they’d play it again so I could remember it better.

It looks like they got this whole movie on Youtube... a dream come true!

A Cry in the Wilderness
This wilderness rancher is bit by a wild skunk (or raccoon) and he doesn’t know if it had rabies or not. So he chains himself to a post in the barn and tells his family not to let him loose under any circumstances, because he is scared that he might get all crazy from the rabies and hurt them. Well, his son is responsible for checking the water level of the river, and reports to his dad that the levels are going up each day. The dad gets worried that there is a blockage upstream and that there will be deadly flooding if it isn’t fixed. The son keeps trying, but can’t find the problem. The dad pleads for them to let him go, but they don’t (like in Young Frankenstein when he tells them not to open the cell door no matter how loudly he pleads). Eventually the dad breaks free just as the tidal wave of flood waters hit the ranch (the kids are terrorized by now, thinking dad is out to get them). All turns out well, I guess.

Stowaway to the Moon This little kid loves space and astronauts, and winds up sneaking about a rocket to the moon. He hides in a cabinet, and is discovered after takeoff by the astronauts. There winds up being some problems, and the boy winds up saving the mission (I can’t remember how). It was cheesy, but I always like the space toys that the kid had. There is a part when one of the astronauts passes out and pukes in his helmet… the kids vacuums it out with the help of ground control. Classic.

Boy in the Plastic Bubble (not as obscure, and had John Travolta)
About a kids with some kind of disease where his immune system doesn’t function. He lives his entire life in a “bubble.“ He can’t touch or be exposed to other people, or the outside world, or he will die. He falls in love with a girl, and if I remember correctly, at the end, he winds up going outside. I can’t remember if he dies or not. Pretty sad. The story and the acting.

The Amazing Cosmic Awareness of Duffy Moon
Just a weird movie with the kid from Witch Mountains (Ike Eisenmann). I just remember the chant (You can do it Duffy Moon), and the get would get all red in the face like he was hyperventilating, and he would pound his fist in the air. Really goofy . Speaking of the Witch Mountain movies… I had a crush on Tia (Kim Richards-picture) when I was a little kid… what a dream girl!

These are some TV series from the mid 70’s to maybe the real early 80’s, that weren’t as well known as others. I remember watching them like they were the best thing in the world. Some of them were really good, some where horrible. I will give a star rating to them (5 is best, 1 is worst). Here they go:


Doctor Who * * * * *
I remember loving this show. I didn’t care if the doctor reminded me of Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter. The only episode I remember is where he gets injected into his own body and is being attacked by his white blood cells (which looked like giant white balls chasing him through tunnels…obviously Spielberg’s inspiration for the giant boulder that tried to get Indiana Jones in Raiders.

Night Gallery * * * *
Scared the pants off me.

Kolchak-The Night Stalker * * *
The dad from Christmas Story is a reporter. I only remember a vampire episode that scared the crap out of me.

The Man from Atlantis * * * *
This guy was like Aquaman… supposedly from Atlantis, he could swim underwater without breathing and had some other powers too I think. Oh yeah, he also had webbed hands. He was always helping a submarine crew (like a science crew)do something. Didn’t last for long and wasn’t well know. I miss it.


Lucan * * * * *
This was a series (based on a made for TV movie) about a kid who was raised by wolves. He was discovered by a scientist and taught to be civilized. The kid grows into a teenager and learns he has special wolf powers, and his eyes turned red when he used them. Sweet.


These were more popular…

BJ and the Bear * * *
Trucker and Monkey drive truck, have adventures, and fight Crime. Pursued by Sheriff Lobo. The truck was sweet… Red with a white stripe that ran horizontally down the side of the truck and trailer. I saw it once when I was a kid in Las Vegas. I peed my pants I think.

Sheriff Lobo *
Spin-off from BJ and the Bear. I don’t remember what it was about but I remember watching it. I was a sucker for spin-offs. Yes, I also watched “Enos.”

Hardy Boys / Nancy Drew Mysteries * * * * *
This was the shiznit. Those guys were so smart.


Battlestar Galactica * * * * *
Everybody should know this one they play the re-runs and made a new version of it. Was like a dose of generic Star Wars each week.

What’s Happening! * * * *
“Raj” (Roger) , Dwayne, Re-run, Shirley, Dee and Momma. Re-run could sure dance. I would still watch it today if it came on. Real cheesy.

Welcome Back Kotter * * * * *
Classic horrible sitcom from the 70’s. What? The best was when they’d read a note from “Epstein’s mother.”

Six Million Dollar Man * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *!
The best show ever on TV when I was a kid. Bionic Woman was pretty good too. Tell me the intro doesn't make you pee your pants…


WKRP in Cincinnati * * * * *
The doctor is in. Les had invisible office. Herb Tarlek’s leisure suits. Loni Anderson… hubba hubba. Bailey (Jan Smither’s) was pretty hot too….

Sanford and Son * * * *
This is the Big One… I’m comin’ to join ya Elizabeth! And Lamont, the dummy. But you can’t mention this one without the obligatory...

Chico and the Man * *
Like Sanford and Son, but took place in an auto shop and the ethnic flavor was Hispanic. Only 2 stars because I rarely watched it, and it was a rip-off.

Starsky and Hutch * * *
Honestly, I just liked the car.

The Gong Show * * *
Horrible acts. Mean Gene the Dancing Machine was a favorite.

The Bob Newhart Show * * * * *
I just love this guy!!!


Here are some variety shows that I am not ashamed to say I watched… At least back then I wasn’t. I give them all 1 star because they all sucked, I think:

Tony Orlando and Dawn
The Sonny and Cher Show
The Captain and Tennille Show (just horrible)
The Donny and Marie Show

Here are some of the first movies I ever saw in the Theater (from the 80’s). I love these movies, no matter how bad or unheard of they are…
History of the World Part I
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Popeye
Space Hunter - Adventures in the Forbidden Zone
Private Lessons
The Legend of the Lone Ranger
Tootsie (pretty good one… pretty popular)
Young Doctors in Love
Night Patrol
The Nude Bomb


Biggest movie disappointment of my youth…

Some friends and I had gone to see “Dune” which lasted like 3 hours… Then as we were leaving, we saw a movie poster for The Razor’s Edge, and Bill Murray was on the poster. Stupid kids that we were decided that that was THE movie to see the next week, because Bill Murray was on the poster. Lucky for me, I didn’t own a gun back then, because the movie was so horrible that I would have shot the people that sold me the tickets and junk food, the theater manager, Bill Murray, and then myself. (just kidding). The Razor’s Edge…. The last thing you will want to feel on your wrists if you ever decide to see this movie. It was some drama (no comedy… no gophers… nothing). I was a pissed off kid, as were my friends. What a gyp! Shame on you Bill Murray…

Preventing Snake Bites

"When you see a rattlesnake poised to strike you, do not wait until he has struck before you crush him." Franklin D. Roosevelt

Some bites, such as those inflicted when you accidentally step on a snake in the woods, are nearly impossible to prevent. However, there are precautions that can reduce your chances of being bitten by a snake. These include:

• Leave them snakes alone! Many people are bitten because they try to kill a snake or get too close to it.


• Stay out of tall grass unless you wear thick leather boots (preferably snake bite proof) and remain on hiking paths as much as possible.


• Keep hands and feet out of areas in which you can't see. Do not pick up rocks or firewood unless you are out of a snake's striking distance.


• Be cautious and alert when climbing on rocks.

The prevention stuff I copied from another website. This is just too funny! I must laugh at my own joke. Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!

Star Wars Rap

I found this surfing the intenet a few years ago. The Simpsons episode last night reminded me of it. Its pretty funny. Luke is a whiny hick... just like in the movies.

Thanks Bob, Whoever You Are

My favorite South Park Song:

The Boy Aint Right

Hákarl

I was listening to the local radio station on Friday while driving my daughter to school. They were talking about a type of food that the Vikings invented called Hákarl (pronounced Hey Carl?). I guess that there are people in Iceland who still eat this. As a proud eater, I always thought I would never find anything that I wouldn't try at least once... but I don't think I would ever want to eat this...

Basically, they take a dead shark and bury it in gravel for two or three months... until it "Putrifies." GAG! Then they dig it up and let it dry in a shack for a couple of months. Now here's the kicker... I found a couple of sites where they talk about urinating on the shark carcass before covering with gravel. There's something about how the urine reacts with the acids in meat. They say Hákarl has a strong odor of ammonia and is difficult to eat for newbies. It sounds pretty nasty if you ask me. I thought I'd look it up online and found a website that had some photos and a recipe (minus the pee). Click on the picture to read it.

Good Advice: Think twice before eating that "Shark Jerky" that your Icelandic friend, Jóhann, offers you. Sick!

Roller Skates

I was flipping through the channels the other night and saw this movie on called "Roller Boogie." It was from the 70's and had Linda Blair starring in it... You know, the chick from The Exorcist...

Well, the movie was horrible, but I still Tivo'd it and watched part of it before deciding to delete it. It did stir some memories of when i was a kid (between 4th and 5th grade) back when roller skating was the shiznit. Mostly I remember some of the songs that they played back then. Here are a list of a few of them that stand out in my mind. When I hear these, I always think of Roller Skating:

• The Police: Don't Stand So Close to Me, De Do Do Do De Da Da Da, & Every Little Thing She Does is Magic


• The Cars: Let's Go and Shake it Up


• Hall and Oats: Private Eyes and Maneater


• Rolling Stones: Start Me Up


• Journey: pretty much all of their hit songs...


• Billy Idol: Rebel Yell and White Wedding

There are tons of others... I know there was some Genesis in there too, but these are the one's that really stand out. There were a bunch of "slow" songs too for "couples" to skate to. Since I was too young back then, that just meant time to waste some quarters in the Defender and Tempest games.

I got curious and wanted to see if any body still uses roller skates and I found these skates... Scorpion Quadlines (there's a video in the link) they are pretty cool, an updated version of the olde schoole metal, strap-onto-your-buster brown-shoe skates that my parents grew up with. I'd get a pair, but I would just wind up busting my ass on them.

Kenny Rogers Jackass!!!!

One of the best MAD TV skits ever!!! There was a second one but I like this one the best.

1983 Ford F250 fuel problems

For those of you have have ever had fuel problems with a newer model (1980's or later) vehicle, check this out. Underneath the dashboard on the passenger side, there is a device called an inertia switch, which cuts the power to the fuel pump when your vehicle is involved in an accident. I have never heard of this device until I read about it online in a Ford truck forum.

I was having fuel problems with my truck, and I thought the fuel pump was bad. Before I invested in a fuel pump, I decided to eee if anyone online had the same problems. I read about the inertia switch and learned that it is a mechanical switch designed to break the circuit to the electric fuel pump when a sizable impact occurs. This prevents the gas tank from igniting from a possible electrical spark in case of an accident. I assume that most cars are now equipped with this device. There is a little reset button on the top of it, so it can be easily reset after an accident.

I checked my switch and it appeared to be functioning correctly (it reset when I pushed the button), but when I tried to start my truck, still no gas. I disconnected the switch and ran a jumper wire over the two cables, and after a few minutes of cranking, she fired up. I did several tests on the switch and found that it didn't work all the time, like there was something loose inside.

I haven't checked a price for a new one yet, but its a good thing to know about, because a mechanic could charge you a fortune for a "new" fuel pump to replace you "junky old one," when all he had to do was reset the switch. The one in my truck is about a 2" by 2" square box with a white push button on top. It is labelled "inertia switch" and is easily located under the dash near the floor board on the passenger side. It might be in a different place on other cars and trucks. I don't know when they started putting these in cars, but I had never heard of it. I took 2 years of auto shop in 1988 and 1989, and it was never mentioned in class.

You Shot Me In My Pinky Toe!!!

... At least that's what it felt like. I was unloading my stuff from storage yesterday and dropped a 45 lb. weight on my little pinky toe (left foot). I thought I had good foot clearance when I set on edge of the plate down and let the other fall, but I was wrong. This is the 2nd "major" injury I have had since deciding to wok on my shed.

It felt really painful (duh?) like when you stub your toe on a kitchen chair in the middle of the night when you are headed there to get a leftover barbecue pork rib from earlier in the day. The only difference was that the pain just kept getting worse instead of going away. I took the picture about 13 hours from the time of the accident. I wish I had been wearing my old steel toe Redwings from back in the day... but I don't have them boots anymore. Instead I was just wearing sneakers. Now I am limping around feeling sorry for myself.

All this talk of pinky toes reminds me of the fight scene in Harlem Nights when Della Reese's pinky toe gets shot off by Eddie Murphy:

The New Computer

I ordered a new HP computer for my daughter, and got it the other day from Fed Ex. The computer is great and works perfectly. There is only one complaint I have about it. In the past, when you purchase a new computer, they usually come with some sort of "Recovery" software, which you use to re-format your computer to be like it was the day you got it. That way, if it crashed, you could use the recovery disk to re-install all the factory settings, reset your operating system, or just clear personal information from the hard drive so you could sell or donate your computer, or avoid tax evasion and conspiracy charges, etc. Let me put it this way... My computer has had so many viruses, that I feel like I should be wearing a condom and rubber gloves whenever I use it.












Any-hoo... This is the second computer I have bought that makes you "Create" the disks yourself when you get the computer. I think Slim Pickens (X) in Blazing Saddles said it best: "What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here?"


To create these recovery disks... It takes 14 blank CDs (19 on the computer I got before this one). Or two or three blank DVDs if you have a DVD Writer (more on that in a minute). Of course, you always have the "option" of going to the manufacturer's website and "purchasing" (oh, the nerve...) a set of recovery disks... What dicks! It usually takes about 45 minutes to an hour to make these disks, not to mention the added cost of the disks.

I bought a computer three years ago that came with recovery disks, and I just can't understand why they wouldn't still come with the computer. Maybe its just a Hewlett Packard deal, I don't know. The computer was the the cheapest I could find (upgrades and quality VS. price), so I guess they got to make it up somewhere.

What really got me mad about this, though, was the fact that with the computer I purchased before this one (about a year and a half ago), I had no idea that it didn't come with a recovery disk until I needed it (about a year later). There was no annoying, on-screen message that said, "Hey numb-nuts, do you want to make a set of recovery disks in case this thing takes a dump?" Instead, only "...try this anti-virus-no-spam-pop-up-blocker-security-salve" thingy that you can use free for a few months or a year, then you have to pay for it. It still comes up every couple weeks (I don't know how to disable it), but it can kiss my boot.


When I finally discovered that the recovery disks weren't in the little baggie of goodies and generic paperwork that came with my computer and I got confused and angry. I used the "restore" option and tried to get my computer back to a point in time when it was working correctly, but there was something still not right about the way it was working. That's when I found the "Make Recovery Disks" option.

Instead of using the 19 CDs required, I decided to use two DVDs to make the disks. It seemed easy enough, but when I tried to make the disks, halfway through writing on my first DVD, there was an error, and the Recovery Disk program spit out my DVD and closed. Great. So, I re-booted my computer and tried it again. Same result. Now, I am out two blank DVDs (not real cheap) and I still don't have the disks, so I wind up trying it out with the CDs and three disks into the process, and it quits again, ruining the CDs.

So this is when I go the the HP website and discover that you have to "buy" the disks from them. I think I was unable to make the disks because there was some kind of virus on my computer that was messing up the process or something. It could have been all the stuff I installed after buying it that caused a registry problem. I just don't know. I got that computer up and running again, but I still don't have disks for it.

I have owned eight computers in my life, starting with an Atari 800XL that I got when I was 12. Every time I get a new one, its an adventure for sure. I have noticed also, that when you buy computers and parts nowadays, they don't come with any manuals or detailed instruction. Just some giant piece of paper with pretty colors and pictures so a retarded monke(y,e) could get the thing hooked up and turned on. They usually do, however, come with a CD that has the manual stored on it somewhere (in the case of computer parts), and the computer usually has a link to a "Help" program somewhere on it. I guess they just expect this to be common knowledge anymore. By the way... I like the Monkees, even if they are retarded.

Remember the good ol' days

...when stuff was made in Japan? The quality of crappy trinkets was so much better than it is now. Then they started making junk in Hong Kong and Taiwan, or, as Harold used to say, "Jaiwan" (see note below). Then Mexico and India came along. And finally the queen mother of all low-quality, pennies-on-the-dollar-to-make, sweatshoppin' momma with a face like a gent, communist manufacturing kingpins, China, took over. The quality of the crap that Americans buy nowadays is just pathetic. You can't blame the Chinese, they're just taking what we're giving them. You're Welcome China and Corporate America!

Noticed how I didn't even mention the REAL good ol' days when stuff was made in the USA??? That because anyone who is using a computer nowadays, probably can't remember back that long ago.


*** note: Harold was this old construction worker I worked with years ago. He was the absolute model for the Dale character from "King of the Hill," down to the conspiracy theories, sunglasses, voice, skinny build, opinions, and sayings. His classic gripe was that the IRS was a bunch of crooks and that that federal income taxes were illegal. Harold was also famous for calling the Hyundai the "Hon-Dooey."

Big Middle Finger

OUCH!!!!

I smacked my middle finger (left hand) with a giant hammer tonight... and it smarts. In the past when I have injured my finger like this, the bleeding is usually underneath my fingernail and the pressure is very painful. My mother-in-law, who used to be a nurse, advised years ago to poke a hole in your fingernail to drain the blood and release the pressure. She did it for me back then and it worked well... much instant relief was felt. My fingernail turned black for a while and then grew out... a nice crusty scab right under my fingernail.

This time, all the blood is collecting on the fingerprint side of my finger. It's so swollen right now and my fingerprint is all smooth. No ridges at all. It's very marble-like and turning dark purple. I took some pictures because I want to remember what it looks like, and I have nothing better to do. Sorry it looks like I am flipping the double-barrel bird, but its the only way I could compare my two middle fingers...

I was hammering a couple of scrap pieces pressure treated 2x4's together with some 3-1/2" 16d nails, to make a work bench frame for my shed. I was in a bad position and was having trouble getting the nail started. I figured I'd hold it while I pounded away, but it was a terrible mistake. I missed the nail and smacked my finger right in the middle of my fingernail. I am very surprised that there is no blood underneath it right now.

I didn't feel anything at first. Just numbness as I looked at how flat my finger looked. Very creepy looking. When the pain finally arrived, I uttered some well chosen profanity as loud as I could, but I don't think it helped.

No one was around to hear me curse, so did I even make a sound? I was so mad afterwards and the rest of the work I did for the next 20 minutes was really half-arsed. I'll see what it looks like in the morning and decide if I am going to prick it or not. It really hurts!!! It could be broken, but I am not sure. It doesn't hurt bad enough to go to the doctor, but I'd be too ashamed to go to the doctor for such a funky reason anyway.

I'll endure... I'm sure.

What the heck is Lizardman anyway?

...a brief description, taken from http://www.americanmonsters.com/monsters/loverslane/index.php?detail=article&idarticle=237:

"One of the most horrifying stories to come down the cryptozoological pike in many a moon revolves around a mysterious, reptilian beast, which is said to stalk the swamps and back roads of South Carolina. Described as being approximately 7-feet tall with searing red eyes, scaly greenish skin, and three elongated digits on its hands and feet, the creature which has come to be known as the South Carolina Lizard Man, is truly an intimidating sight."

Well, since I moved to South Carolina last year, I have yet to encounter such a beast. Does he really exist? Who gives a crap? I did though, catch an unusual creature while fishing with my best friend this summer in a cove near my uncle's home in Eutawville, SC.

I had cast my line near an obviously fish infested bush which was nestled on a shady bank. As soon as it hit the water, I observed a creature slithering out from underneath the bushes, heading straight for my line. It only took a second to realize that it was not a cottonmouth water moccasin, the legendary lizard man, or one of his many offspring (all very common to the area). In fact, it was a small baby alligator not more than two feet long.

In an attempt to get a jump on the beast and avoid a rather up close and personal encounter, I quickly began to reel in the line. But I was too late. It snapped up my flourescent orange bobber, and at the same time one of its small arms became hooked. I reeled him up to the edge of the boat and caught hell trying to get the hook out of his leg with a pair of needle nose pliers, which were not quite as "needly" as his tiny sharp teeth were. He twisted and turned in the water as I tried to free him without causing further pain or damage. I felt really bad for the little critter. My friend (who shall remain anonymous), Troy, started to cry. I wondered how the lizardman would feel if it was him caught on the line. And would I have the same mercy with such a vile creature? Who gives a crap? I finally got the little booger off the hook and he swam away, probably to get reinforcements, like his big brothers or the sasquatch.